A Hymn to the Sea

my room
a dark, empty place that holds too many memories
tonight, i will add another
and then no more after that
i sit on my bed
legs crossed
head bowed
listening to the somber music emitting from my CD player
thinking about my wasted life
of what i have not achieved
of who i don't love
and who i will not see again
i sit for hours
listening and thinking
listening and thinking
sinking deeper and deeper into darkness
finally...i stop
my head tilts uright
and i move over to my desk
to grab the scissors
and move back to my spot in the center of the bed
my hands begin to shake
as i point the scissors at my stomach
the sharp blade will make light work of soft flesh
i look up to the heavens
and position the blade near my navel
a new song begins on the CD player
and i pause to listen
it is a symphony of titanic proportions

as the melody reaches my ears
realisation hits like a ton of bricks
what am i doing?
what am i to leave behind?
what of the people who love me?
as the music reaches a crescendo
the tears begin to flow
like a hymn to the sea
they spill over my eyes
down my cheeks
and make an ocean on the bed
the scissors fall from my hands
and land with a clatter on the floor
the tears flow for hours
until the sun rises
and the dawn of a new day
instills a new hope
for a better future
where i can leave my note
on the scale of a song
in the greatest symphony
of life

**This poem is dedicated to John
for his courage to tell the full story
in the face of hardship and sorrow.
May you always leave ur note in the song of life
All My Love
Melissa