A Hymn to the Sea

my room
a dark, empty place that holds too many memories
tonight, i will add another
and then no more after that
i sit on my bed
legs crossed
head bowed
listening to the somber music emitting from my CD player
thinking about my wasted life
of what i have not achieved
of who i don't love
and who i will not see again
i sit for hours
listening and thinking
listening and thinking
sinking deeper and deeper into darkness
finally...i stop
my head tilts uright
and i move over to my desk
to grab the scissors
and move back to my spot in the center of the bed
my hands begin to shake
as i point the scissors at my stomach
the sharp blade will make light work of soft flesh
i look up to the heavens
and position the blade near my navel
a new song begins on the CD player
and i pause to listen
it is a symphony of titanic proportions

as the melody reaches my ears
realisation hits like a ton of bricks
what am i doing?
what am i to leave behind?
what of the people who love me?
as the music reaches a crescendo
the tears begin to flow
like a hymn to the sea
they spill over my eyes
down my cheeks
and make an ocean on the bed
the scissors fall from my hands
and land with a clatter on the floor
the tears flow for hours
until the sun rises
and the dawn of a new day
instills a new hope
for a better future
where i can leave my note
on the scale of a song
in the greatest symphony
of life

**This poem is dedicated to John
for his courage to tell the full story
in the face of hardship and sorrow.
May you always leave ur note in the song of life
All My Love
Melissa

warmth

i wear it on my sleeve
yet it never gets broken
i hold it in my hands
yet it hasn't been touched
it is sealed in a box
that no-one dare open
when i let it go free
it fails to fly
it longs for a love
that no-one will give
it is surrounded by others
yet it stands alone
it yearns to speak
but will always remain silent
and moves to a beat
but has no rhythm

my heart longs for the warmth
of love

curl

a single solitary curl
falls onto my face
one of many that cloud my head
a razor appears
and my curls
my delicate curls fall to the floor
and mix with the pool of tears
lying at my feet
i feel a strand of blood
trickle down the back of my neck
but no pain
what is a cut?
the razor move to my wrists
and flickers over previous scars
they pattern my wrists
and criss-cross like checkers
blood seeps out of the wounds
and becomes part of the water

the bath begins to turn red
as my world turns black
yet i feel no pain
sweet release

forgiveness

your hand appeared out of the darkness
like a stalker comes out of the shadows
and i felt a sting on my face
the blood fell in droplets
and hit the pillow with silent force
my eyes filled with tears
not from the pain
but from the lost love i feel for you
you move to the other side of the bed
circling it like a hawk searching for prey
i begin to cry
and you tell me to be quiet
because crying doesn't solve anything
revenge, you say, cures all
i see a shimmer of silver
and realise that you took the steak knife from the dinner table
give me a reason, you say
give me one reason why i shouldn't do it
i look into your eyes
and i see your pain
like a fire burning deep within
because you love me, i say
you begin to move towards me
knife wielded in front of you
here is the end, i think
the world begins to go black
i close my eyes
and wait for the knife
to plunge into my lifeless heart

but it never happened
i felt your lips upon mine
i felt your hand on my leg
and knew
i was forgiven

a minute longer...

silence is deafening
colour is blind
but you don't care
you can't feel anything
your just lying there
someone i used to know
someone i used to love
but you're gone
and even though your pain has ceased...
mine is only just beginning
i can't imagine life without you
no-one to talk to
or laugh with
or reminisce of past times
you can't hear me anymore
and although i know you'll be watching over me
i know it's not the same
i wish you didn't have to go...
just one more minute...
please?

Simply

they say that ignorance is bliss
but i say that ignorance is purity
being careless
free
omnisicient
whatever happened to the days of childhood
when Santa was real
and the tooth fairy
and the easter bunny
and everything that our parents told us was simple
and reliable
why can't life be simple?
whoever said life has to be hard
should be shot
trust mankind to fuck it up for everyone

the note

as you prized it from my cold, lifeless fingers
it tore
all that remained of me
was in three, shattered pieces
tears streamed down your face
as you tried to re-assemble the broken pieces of my life
the note was simple
yet you didn't understand
how i did it
you didn't understand how i could have left you behind
to face the torture that the world brings
it was simple-
i couldn't take it any more
the pain was too much to bear
and yet the pain was excruciating
as i pulled the trigger
and the world went black